Patriarchy in Bollywood.

I wanted to write this one since long not that I am feminist but the thoughts are so predominant I had to pour it out.

Hyper masculinity is an exaggerated belief about what it is to be a MAN. The traditional ideology that men should be authoritative, lack emotions, breadwinners, chiselled body and more such things are promoted in the name of masculinity.

Bollywood aids on to our cultural and traditional ideologies. Bollywood in India significantly propagates such harmful ideological , it inarguably influences lifestyle and has a far reaching ramifications.

Casual misogyny is offered in the guise of jokes and playful teasing. People preceive Bollywood in their daily life and surrogate it in every relationship.

Here are few dialogues from some very well known movies and actors that I find demeaning and bias.

1.

Movie : Kuch kuch hota hai

Dialogue:

Shah rukh Khan -ladkiyan basketball nahi khel sakti !

Ok, I am one crazy crazy SRK fan but please, I’ll never yell, ‘Rahul juice’. No please. I like him more for the person he is not as an actor.

2.

Movie: Mard

Dialogue:

Amitabh Bachchan – Mard ko dard nahi hota.

Tell me how it was after a month! (if only it could happen to you)

Or even less than that I hate those hair of yours on your chest can you go for a wax.

Some songs :

1. O meri mehbooba

Movie: Dharam veer

Singer: Mohammed Rafi

The song goes:

Par dekh tu jo ruth kar chali jaegi

Tere saath he mere marne ki khabar aaegi

I thought Dharmendra was decent, blackmailing and how. Your beloved cannot be angry on you at any given point. That’s the trigger for you to die, pity death!

2. Jag ghoomeya

Movie: Sultan

Singer: Rahat Fateh Ali Khan

The song goes:

Sang tujhe rakhna hai,

Tune sang rehna

I loved the movie I love this song too but one day while I was listening I told my husband, ‘yeh kya no consent, puch toh lo rehna bhi hai ya nahi.’

He busted in laughter. And I frowned.

3. Chand si mehbooba ho meri

Movie: Himalay ki god mein

Singer: Mukesh

The song goes:

Chand si mehbooba ho meri kab

Aisa maine socha tha,

Haan tum bilkul waisi ho

Jaisa maine socha tha .

Epic, how can this be a romantic song. You are openly insulting her. Kudos to the heroine for smiling throughout in the song. I would have slapped.

There are many more dialogues and songs that are epitome of patriarchy but we still find it entertaining and worth humming, keeping at bay the real meaning and hidden sublimed misogyny. All these movies faired at the box office because we watch it and enjoy it. I’m not saying to stop watching movies but at least express when you dislike something or feel that the same gender is being belittled.

I still urge you all to believe that I am not a feminist I don’t want to be. I just want to be a woman and be respected for that.

Picture: Google pictures

This blog is a part of blog train hosted by Prisha Lalwani aka Mummasaurus.

I’d like to thank Aditi for introducing me here her blog for you to have a read https://rainbowbabyaarnav.home.blog/ and I’d like to introduce Kanika who’s also a part of this blog train her blog is https://rainbowbabyaarnav.home.blog/

Thank you to like the blogs that you like and follow us all for some amazing topics on lifestyle, parenting and more.

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I owe it to her.

She is everything to me and more.

She got married at the age of 19. My maternal grandfather was not ready for it as she was too small and his first child. But my maternal grandmother was tempted by the alliance of my father. As he was going to move out of India with his bride. So she convinced my grandfather and my mom for the marriage.

As soon as she was married in Mumbai. She was off to Rajasthan my fraternal native to meet all her in laws and then off to Dubai. She had never imagined a life like that and a quick pregnancy. She delivered my sister there, yes she’s got Dubai nationality. All was well until my mother conceived me and she was not sure this time but my father said to keep it as it could be a boy. Two years in Dubai an then in her last trimester she was back to Mumbai and I was born. She couldn’t couldn’t believe a girl child yet again she didn’t see me for almost an hour. My father was pissed so he remarried. My grandma always asked my mom to leave us with her and study further. But she never thought about herself ever since we were born. She could have easily abondond us, if not us at least me, which she never did.

I sometimes consider myself jinx. If only I would have been a boy it would have been a happy family. But fate had it this way.

She raised me and my elder sister all alone. She’d been a single parent and done her responsibilities very responsibly. She was 10th passed from an Urdu medium and done her stitching course besides this she knew nothing. She started taking home tuitions when I was 5 year old. When I was in my 10th std she had almost 15 kids in 2 batches.

After my 10th standard results were out I got a first class. I told her I don’t want to study any further I’ll teach with you. She insisted me to persue Science. I told her I can do Arts she said no as my elder sister was already doing my BA. I took science at a very last moment . All the forms of good colleges were gone, she came with to this local college and took a form for Science in a evening batch. I studied my junior college from 3pm to 7pm . She never missed a day to drop and pick me up. I still remember she couldn’t walk that much still she would come everyday for consecutive 2 years.

Ok she was so goody good when I secured a first class in my 12th boards. She left no stone unturned for my admission in the same college my sister was studying that way I was secure. And I got admission I my graduation I got 57% she was happy as I was close to first class. Again I said enough of studying I want to teach. But she insisted to study as much before my marriage so I did my PG from the same college and taught as well in a kindergarten school.

She nudge me every single time if not for her I won’t have been the person I am today, I owe her my existence as she choose to keep me, I owe her my studying , I owe her the person I am today, I owe her my being. She’d seen from rags to richest and richest to rags and I swear on God she never cared.

I celebrate you everyday. But if it’s a day assigned I won’t let it go without saying, ‘A very happy Mother’s Day ‘ to the bestest mom every. You taught me selflessness, dignity, believe in God, to being humble in the highest high and to be kind enough in the lowest low.

You made me strong when days were dark.

You made me fly when my wings were apart.

You had faith in me when all I was foul.

Thanks for believing in me and making me a better person everyday. I know it’s beneath your feet but I found it in your soul. I love skies, fathoms and more.

A very happy Mother’s Day to all lovely moms around.

Love Inas_and_mamas

This blog is a part of blogathon hosted by

https://instagram.com/mummasaurus1

I’d like to thank Aditi for introducing me you can have a read of her blog too at http://rainbowbabyaarnav.home.blog/2019/05/14/5-steps-to-plan-a-budgeted-birthday-party-and-still-have-fun/

And I’d like to introduce Kanika who’s a part of this blog train you can read her blog here https://thecolorpallette.wordpress.com/2019/05/14/my-candy-floss-gola/#more-185

Once in a year

Ramadan is here! It’s the most awaited Islamic month. A Ramadan before marriage and after marriage is so different. New place, new people and new food. But the Ramadan without baby and with baby is literally poles apart. Here I’d like to share some tips to plan your Ramadan around your child. Including them in the daily practices and rituals.

What is Ramadan?

Ramadan is a sacred month that encompasses more than just fasting – trying to be a better being. It is the 9th month in Islamic calendar. Ramadan is the most celebrated month by Muslims. It is the month in which Quran (holy book) was revealed to the last prophet Mohammed (peace be upon him). Fasting is observed my Muslims all around the globe during the daylight hours from dawn to sunset.

How to make Ramadan engaging for kids?

Teaching:

To help your child understand and inculcate the significance and values of Ramadan, you must first educate them about the detail and make them understand the practice of fasting. If the child is too small you can at least try with Namaaz and wazu. Teaching them the Namaaz only in action and making them perform wazu.

Fun activities:

Making banners for Ramadan. Your little helper will engage and like to do this. Making origami lanterns. Colouring and making masjids with fingers painting. Offering Namaaz in house with friends. The child should enjoy the process and learn simultaneously. Keep it simple and fun. Children picture book can be a great way to help introduce and reinforce the concept of Ramadan in a visually engaging way.

Setting goals:

To help your child appreciate and get the most out of Ramadan it is a good idea to start with a plan. This will help them to focus on the month with intension and allow them achieve their goals. Make sure you ask the child about his/her goal to be achieved rather than telling them one of your choice. It can a simple sunnah that the child wishes to follow throughout the month. Encourage and let them grow.

What is a good deed jar?

Any empty jar that you can decorate or put a mark on it naming it a ‘Good deed jar’

How does it works?

As the name suggests Good deed jar so for every good deed a child does she/he gets a reward that is put in the jar. Reward can be anything a coin, stationeries, or just a chit with the child favourite written on it ( it can be a meal, toy, park) .

What can be a good deed?

☪️ Helping in chores around the house

☪️ Saying something nice to your friend

☪️ Learning about/memorise a dua

☪️ Memories Arabic alphabets

☪️ Reading Islamic books

☪️ Donating a toy

☪️ Helping someone

☪️ Feeding someone/sharing snack

☪️ Learning about/memorise all or some names/attributes of Allah

☪️ Read/recite the holy Quran

☪️ Learn about/memorise a specific surah, aayah or ahadith

☪️ Read or listen to stories about Prophet

Kids are very good imitators. Let them see the best of you. Ramadan kareem ! May all your prayers be accepted and heard.

Love

Inas and mamas

Picture courtesy: Google and Pinterest

There is an interesting blog written by Aditi that you can read here:

http://rainbowbabyaarnav.home.blog/2019/05/06/5-no-medicine-ways-to-handle-colic-in-infants/

This blog is a part of blogathon run by

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https://thecolorpallette.wordpress.com/

Wonder women

Women play a substantially important role in every relationship she’s involved in. She’s a nurturer, a protector, survivor and a reproducer. She comprises so much, she’s a universe. Her birth, giving birth and than dying- isn’t it magical? .

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She’s a source of solace and a river of emotions. Women are a rare creature made by God to take care of all his other creations. She loves to love and loves to receive love. She’s every time all things good. But sometimes she’s mad, crazy, difficult, fierce, bold and judgmental too. .

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💫 She may not tell you the truth sometimes but she sure does remember what she hides. .

💫 She’s not a good cook but she always tries to put an extra effort on your favourites. .

💫 She liked that dress but she kept mum instead she bought those onesies. .

💫 She’s the best to share secrets with and gossip all night. .

💫 She did pursue what she wanted but she might not like what she’s doing with her life now. .

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So, this is the time ask her out, talk a bit more, stay a little longer with her, hold her and never let her go whoever she’s to you – Mom, Sister, Wife or Daughter.

Celebrate them because they are worth celebrating. Happy Women’s Day from Ina and Mama💕

That magical smile.

It’s not what you have it’s all what you give.Charity is a beautiful gesture. Charity is not just with your money. In Islam it’s a saying that,

‘Smile, it’s charity ‘ and I love this thought.

Have you ever thought it that way- you making a day by just a smile. Smile heals the broken hearts, the uncertainty of a stranger , the obscurity of a pessimist.

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That epiphany when you make a smile is heaven for the other person in grieve. You don’t know the power in your smile it can mend all the worries and stress. A smile that you do is a good deed you earn. It’s a blessing you already are blessed with. Smile is exactly like music – it’s universal.

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In a world filled with sadness, anxiety and depression , a simple smile can make wonders. According to WHO (World Health Organisation) India is the most depressed country in the world. Followed by China and than the US. These countries are most affected by anxiety, schizophrenia and bipolar disorder according to the WHO. Imagine a country with second highest population leading with all depressed people, no wonder, we are still in developing countries list.

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What is it that takes you away from the happiness? Why are you so worried so anxious? Will this grieve take you somewhere? Who are you pleasing? What will they say ? Are my parents proud of me? Will she say yes? Will he get me that ring today?

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STOP talking to yourself. Self help is the best help but you are not helping yourself by talking to yourself. Reach out, communicate. Thought that bothers you will never leave you, until you leave them. No that doesn’t mean you’re running you are just analysing it , trying new method, taking a new approach. Smile even if the other person is stern at it. The challenge is never to make them smile back it is to make them see us smile at them.

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A sad soul will never lead a happy life. Smile it adds to the beauty and rejuvenates the soul.

Heartbreak can teach you things! Things to learn after a failed relationship.

Hi to the smart, fit , intelligent readers out here. A heartbreak is only know to a person who’s failed in a relationship.

Relationship is a huge terminology compromising many emotional , physical, economical feelings and values to it . You tend to mend yourself for a person you love; be a better person each day . But God forbid it doesn’t work well and you end up in a failed or a broken relationship. Here, I’d like to bifurcate the things you’ll learn , cultivate and enhance after a heartbreak.

#1. Self love :

Somewhere deep down you already knew that he or she wasn’t the one but the urge to hold on and be with them made you stay. And in this process you tend to loose your own happiness; in the persue to please them. Now you start focusing on your self and activities you love and where missing in your life.

#2. Confidence :

A failed relationship always makes you stronger and boosts your confidence level. Now you can decide what you want, what you wear, what you eat, how you eat and many more small and big decisions. It makes you self aware of your choices. You are not bound to anyone anymore for their consent.

#3. Letting go :

The cliche ‘It wasn’t you it was me’

Comes to an end. Whoever it was it is done and gone, gone for good, let go. Now you no more crib over things. You cultivate the attitude of letting go. You don’t fight for things even if you are right in the position. You know you are right and that’s enough for you, Let Go. Reminiscing is not in the protocol.

#4. Staying Positive :

Your only concern after a heartbreak is not to break it ever, further in your life. And to make sure this happens you start focusing on staying positive, been with all the positive vibes people, not analysing the negative outcome. Staying calm and positive is what you learn after a heartbreak.

#5. Your Worth :

You were worthy of everything in this world and you still are. It’s their lose. Start afresh, look around and to find someone more compatible and worthy than the past. You start realising your worth and start being more social and outspoken than before.

Babe, don’t be a victim of heartbreak be a heart breaker. The world is yours to be explored and so are the inhibitors.

People who learn are always the best and learning from a failure gives you a practical aspect. Heartbreak is not a disease and definitely not contagious. Smile along. Stay blessed.

Things to keep in mind when you are expecting!

Mind and pregnancy doesn’t go hand in hand as the hormones are always in a secret mission to make you mad. But at times you can try and maintain your sanity and help yourself to have a peaceful pregnancy. Here are a few points that I feel you all should practice during pregnancy.

1. People will judge : To keep u our sanity you should always keep people’s judgement at bay. Over thinking about negativity will only make it worse. Try to avoid ignoble people or activities that makes you dull, lethargic and negative. Just say , ‘Bye bye, I gotta make a whole new human for me.’

2. It can be any gender : Don’t be centric with the choice of gender. It’ll be your baby make it the best from the rest. Stop thinking in pinks and blues. Let the boy be a dress designer and the girl an engineer. They’ll be the best what they’ll be capable of.

3. Shop wisely : People start shopping as early as at the start of second trimester ( I did the same) . Do not make the nursery in pink or blue as I said earlier go for any soft pastel. Do not buy rockers or bouncer or swings unless you try it with the baby. How will you try? Make the baby rock on your lap if he/she is comfortable buy a rocker and likewise for swings and bouncer.

4. Do not believe in myths : -The shape of your belly bump. Oh yes it’s a round it’ll be a girl , slender , it is for sure a boy . Excuse Me. – Blotted nose in third trimester is a sign of a girl. – Facial hair growth indicates a boy. – The heartbeat of a girl child never reaches more than 120 ( Inaaya had a heartbeat of 132 during my last days ) . There are my insinuations associated with pregnancy by the ancestors.

5. Be prepared : The first time mommies always be prepared in your mind for the day, not to panic , listen all the instructions given my your mother or any expert (who have a baby, there are many who have a bundle of information but not a single child) and your doctor. Stay calm the baby knows it’s way. Breath , smile , cry, yell, bite, scream do whatever you feel like keeping in mind that – This too shall pass. I’ll have my baby.

6. Eat healthy : Cravings will haunt anytime, anyplace and you can suffice them. You can always have sweets, sour and junk but in small portions. And on a daily basis it is real important to eat a whole healthy meals. Small, nutritive, healthy meals . Supplements will make up but you need to have food for their proper absorption.

7. Me time : You’ll need all the time of the day for this. Go for walks , exercise, indulge in activities with other fellow preggers. If working make sure you at least take an hour out. Than you can bifurcate it in exercise, walk and an activity of your choice painting, doodling, mandala making, swimming, dancing, anything.

Hope you like the pointers and don’t forget to make these 8/9 months the most memorable months that you can cherish all your life. Ya one more , do try not to fight with that poor soul named – Husband ❤️